Can’t even wait

26 Jul

Whether it’s waiting in line, waiting to hear back from a job, or waiting for a response to an email, I am always incredibly impatient. I just hate the feeling of having my mind in one place– the front of the line, making a decision about a job– and my reality in another place. In particular, the anticipation of something big happening, or something that I really want to happen, is so hard for me to deal with.  Right now, I’m waiting to hear back from a few jobs that I’ve interviewed for and I feel like my life is on pause as I wait for a decision. Here are some of the ways I’m dealing with my impatience in the meantime:

  • Went home to my parents’ house and am doing laundry for FREE (seriously though, laundry is so expensive in my apartment building, I don’t know how anyone can afford to have clean clothes)
  • Doing my homework for the HTML/CSS class I’m taking
  • Reading (after a brief break, I’m now reading book #13 since finishing college)
  • Checking my email constantly
  • Checking the websites of organizations I’d like to work for and hoping that they’ve recently posted the perfect job for me and will quickly make me a job offer that I can weigh against other potential offers
  • Alternating between thinking constantly about what I will do if I am offered a job or if I’m not offered a job and not thinking at all about the important decisions ahead
  • Trying to read the whole Internet
  • Worrying about other things, some more important than others (my knee, my car, global climate change, gun violence, hate crimes…)

But mostly, I’m just feeling impatient. Like I said in my previous post, I am completely shocked at how time is passing and it feels like it’s been so long since I left college and started this phase of my life. I waited so long for college to be over and to get here, and it’s not that it feels like a disappointment or that it wasn’t worth it, it just feels like more waiting, deeper levels of uncertainty, and bigger decisions on the (maybe not so) distant horizon. I’ve put so much out there at this point — applications, networking, connections– and now, I think I just need to wait for some of it to come together.

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