Start, Stop, Try Again

31 Aug

I’ve been incredibly absent from this blog over the past month, mostly because it’s been a stressful, busy, crazy, emotional few weeks and I totally forgot that I had a blog. It is amazing to me how much things can change over the course of a month, so I have a lot to report on, both good and bad, and I’m glad that I finally feel like writing something again.

Last night, I moved out of my wonderful apartment where I had been living with my partner. She has severe dust and mold allergies and had been feeling sick in the apartment more or less since we moved in. After several trips to the emergency room, countless visits to the doctor, and the discovery of substantial rotten wood and mold in the bathroom, we decided that we had to leave. I made the terrible mistake of breaking my lease before I had secured another place to live and was screwed over by some people who told me a week ago that they had chosen someone else to move into their apartment with them. Cue emotional breakdown and stressing about being homeless/apartment-less. Then cue friends and family being amazing and helping me to figure out a plan for September. Starting next week, I’ll be staying with my cousin and her husband for a few weeks, then staying with one of my best buds from Jewish summer camp, and then finally moving into a great place in the same neighborhood with three other twenty-something people and a very cute dog that only understands Norwegian.

It was heart-wrenching to pack up my belongings from the apartment I had worked so hard to find and settle into, the place that I had decided would be my home as I embarked on the first post-college phase of my life. Staring at the empty apartment before closing the door and leaving felt somehow symbolic of all the frustration and disappointment I’ve experienced since finishing college, the crushing of all the hope and excitement I had when I packed up my car in Minnesota five months ago and drove away to start the life I had been waiting for.

The good news is that after feeling either stagnant or upset for so long, I’m actually starting to feel excited again. Amidst all this turmoil, there have been some great developments in my life that I’m really looking forward to starting. Since I last posted here, I interviewed for more jobs and then received two job offers! One was for a full-time permanent position that would have fit in with the community organizing fellowship that selected me as a finalist a few months ago. The other was for a temporary (three month) position with the organization I most wanted to work with out of all the places I applied. So I accepted the temporary position, and even though I’m nervous about the prospect of being (f)unemployed again in December, I’m so genuinely excited about this position, the organization, and the possibilities it could open for me. It was a hard decision to give up the fellowship that I originally had my heart set on, but it feels right to be taking this other position.

This whole period of time since graduating has been a continual process of taking action to make changes in my life, dealing with obstacles and let downs, revising my plan, and trying again. Trying again is the hardest part: sending another application after the last 15 have been rejected, showing up for another interview after being turned down after three rounds of interviews for the previous job, going to back to Craig’s List to find an apartment after the one I loved doesn’t work out, or turning to my friends and family for help again when I just want to be stable and self-reliant.  I plan on continuing to write here in the coming months, because who knows, maybe I will be unemployed again, or maybe I’ll actually be fun-employed for more than a few months.


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